Dad

For the past several months, since the start of Pam’s pregnancy, she has been trying to train me for the delivery of our baby.  This always happened in a couple stages.

She would describe, in detail, what it was like when her cousin Stacy gave birth to her two little girls.  Stacy wanted Pam in the delivery room, and each time Pam came back speechless.  She said it’s the one of the most beautiful and memorable moments of her life.  She said, “John, when you see that baby start to come out, it’s going to be breathtaking.  You’ll see it’s little head come out a little farther with each push, only to retreat a little, then come out just a little more each time until eventually, there is this beautiful new life in the room.”  She told me that story at least 10 times.
[Read more…] about 007 Opposite

I love my wife.  We stood in front of all our friends and family and made our love a permanent commitment.  I would do anything for her . . . most of the time.  But if I’m honest, my love for Pam is a choice.

I know this doesn’t sound romantic, but it’s the truth.  I choose to love her.  I choose to continuously love her for the rest of my life, even if I don’t FEEL like loving her.  My wife is amazing, and the prize of my life, but I’m also a selfish jerk. I’m constantly fighting with my selfish agenda. [Read more…] about 008 An Unknown Switch

My Mom-Mom delivered a child who died between my mom and her brother.  They never knew if they had a boy or a girl, they just removed her baby from the room.

Before my Pop-Pop died he told us that when he went to heaven he would finally get to know if he had a boy or a girl. [Read more…] about 009 Meet My Son

My wife and I choose one name for our son before he was born: Benjamin Edward.  Benjamin after Pam’s Poppy, and Edward after my Father, my Pop-Pop, and my own middle name.  Ben.  Benny.  Big Ben.  This was the name I wanted for my boy.  I wanted to call him this his whole life.  It was young, and it was distinguished.  I wanted this to be the name of my son, my living son.  This is why I wanted to call him Stephen: I had fallen in love with Ben.  Ben was too painful.

After he was born, in the short time he stayed with us in the hospital room, Pam’s mom was the first to call him Ben.  As soon as I heard her say this I quickly tried to stop the tide, “Pam and I don’t know what his name is yet,” I told her. [Read more…] about 010 The Power of a Name